Where Does the Time Go?

It must be wonderful being swept off your feet. I make such a statement as if it has never happened to me before.. Which is completely untrue, since it has a few times.

Though what does it mean as you grow older and it happens?

For the people who find their soul mate as early as during high-school, I am not sure if they truly understand the difference in mentality that there is for those who suffer loss after loss or for that matter never are swept off their feet until much later.
Is this to say that only the more mature have a significant view? Hardly.

It is to say that suffering leads to stronger growth.

I feel that usually the case with older people is that by the time they do commit, or re-commit for that matter, there is a stronger sense of duty and resolve. The more a person suffers loneliness the more they are willing to be objective and also pursue a positive role in order to sustain the commitment on their end as well as maintain a healthy relationship for both ends.
I am no expert in marriage but what I have seen that works the best from observation and experience of relationships is that both sides must be willing to sacrifice in hopes that the other side is doing exactly the same. The terms don't need to be addressed in a universal sense, especially in regard to gender, though it is usually acceptable to say that there needs to be some kind of equal ground. 

I think it's quite obvious what selfish relationships end up doing to people.

Being in Love is too often characterized by selfish emotions and selfish expectations. What I don't understand is why people don't think their Love for each other can not evolve into something? They treat Love like some static effect of an emotional state that comes and leaves like the ocean tide. Well quite frankly I don't think that it doesn't but I also don't think it is that simple. By all respects of the people themselves I believe Love evolves alongside of the people who experience it. This is not to say that it literally becomes better with time versus it obtains more definition as well as has broader meaning. 

Or do you dare say your grandparents , if married still, don't have a better idea?

So where does the time go when you are in Love?
Why is it that most people spend their lives seeking out happiness when they have obtained it within Love? Is the pursuit of entertainment part of their Love or is it just something they do because they have lost the ability to maintain the high they perceived when they first fell in Love?
I believe thinking that Love is something that requires an ongoing flame that can go out and re-sparked is a farce. I think the metaphor is a great one but I think there is a failure to address a true problem at hand which usually comes back to the mortality of our world and ultimately of ourselves. I think most people mistake falling in Love with lust. It is easy to fall in Love with someone who excites our hormones and causes us to feel like the things in this world are much more acceptable because of presence. However, I think it is foolish to take away the deeper part of Love, which is sacrifice, by attributing it to monetary gain--even if that gain is as natural as childbearing and companionship.

The challenge of time is losing it yet still somehow efficiently using what we do have. For many people, that means loosing it much earlier than anticipated. Unfortunately for the entire race, we never truly reach a full state of maturity. To think otherwise is absolutely ludicrous since we only have suggestions from our eldest that even into death they know they could learn more.
Perhaps if we spent all our time trying to give what we have, suddenly time isn't an issue. Instead it is what goes on next is the issue.. And thus, the importance of defining a soul mate beyond the physical realm becomes a matter of the truest enlightenment. Then again, some people are so dependent on physical definitions that they never truly do become enlightened to anything. 

I know I don't want death to be the end, even if marriage isn't still a definition..

No Running!!

Often it is characterised that Women are to be pursued and Men are to be the chasers.

I am now strongly against that notion in regards to a relationship.
It is my firm belief that it may be how you initiate contact but at some point things will change and even should change. This is not to say that you go for the opposite order. It is to say that you cant keep doing the same thing in hopes for a different response.

At some point there will come a time when you experience lows and you may even doubt wgere that is leading you. However, part of life is to experience the lows so that way the plateau of the highs is not a threshold of importance. It is only then that all the small things matter so much as far as their positive influence while all the largely negative things can be overcome permanently.

This may be insane for most people but I know that for stress to be reduced efficiently you have to put all the small things away with higher priority. Otherwise you can't focus.
It is like distance jumping. The more you have on the field, no matter how small it is, makes for a big distance as it adds up. Then when something big comes along you increase the total exponentially and the overflow yields more seemingly.

Marriage is much like this concept of managing flow. So is financial stability in a very comparable sense.
Dealing with either requires an understanding of your subjective factors to get somewhere productive over a long term spectrum.
The factors are as numerous as they are consequential to many more attributes. There literally is no visible end to the diversity of possibilities despite the finite attribute that keeps it from being impossible to manage.

So the question might be, "where do you start?" or "how can you tell what requires a higher priority?"
My simple answer is this: Learn what is most important in your routine and finish the least important first.

This may seem counter intuitive, though to the subconscious it's the difference of what all is on your plate that needs to be consumed to make that plate a happy plate.
It's like a store-front. Your priority us always bringing in the money first. However you still need to do all the other little things to facilitate better timing for your priorities otherwise things pile up and fester; which is common sense to assume is a deterrent from your goal which your highest priorities are centered around.
It is the little things that we find are the easiest to make a routine around so less effort goes into it's completion and is easiest to teach others to be mindful of.

This idea is intwined into the gender approach before contact as well as into a relationship. It is the basis for making a good and honest first impression as well.
If you find yourself always running to keep up with someone you are dealing with a person who is high maintainence or you are dealing with someone who isn't truly interesyed in you. As hard as it is to ignore the thoughts generated from emotion, you have to remember that if your plate is always full, that's because someone is keeping it that way. But if it is just that you can't eat all of sonerhing as fast as the others, you should rethink your approach.

What is Love? Baby don't Hurt Me..

I have long been the hopeless Romantic that never seemed to learn his lesson.
It didn't matter how you tried to put it to me, I acted like I had the better clue. I was the kid who didn't chase anyone, kept all his secrets safe and even was able to refrain from the propensities of the common male race.
But I also had a problem.. I was insecure about what I was doing.


[[My above statement: Bold = Important factors; Italic = Lying to myself; Underline = What I realize & Red = Critical to Understanding what IS the perceived Issue]]

Giving it thought over the years, I have always had a problem with feeling like I am not allowed to Love.
I don't know if it is my deeper desire to fulfill a natural desire to be Loved but I feel more empowered when I am allowed to Love. If I had to guess on what most of my frustrations in life are about, it isn't about rejection but rather not finding acceptance.

I never was the type to care about my outward appearance enough to change it to gain acceptance. However, not having anyone to accept me certainly makes my frustrations of the world grow exponentially. I have noticed that even if there is one person that I can lay my head down and admire above all the other things I have, that isn't enough to keep me from dwelling on the fact that I need at least one person in this world who admires me above all the other things they have. When the circle becomes complete, I notice that I can quietly Die.
It may sound morbid... But I feel it is the difference on what kind of energy I expend. Considering where I usually try to expend my energy, it is for the better. My art takes a turn from negativity, my home settings become vibrant and filled with light, my diet is stable and with forbearance to health and most importantly... I have a true desire to seek out a relationship with God. This alone makes me think of the scripture where God declares that it isn't good for man to be alone; it causes me to consider that he wasn't saying this because of a selfish act of man but rather because there is more to perfection than the self. I used to think it was some circle that becomes complete because of it... Now I'm starting to be convinced that it is a state of growth that can't be achieved otherwise.

Being of the male persuasion, I am akin to hiding my emotions of the most deepest and profound nature I have. Even though my personality type thrives on emotions and the expression of them, I can not bring myself to hurt others or hurt myself because of it. So my natural defense mechanism derived from my personality ultimately is my need for expression; when I am denied this right/responsibility/gift/ability, I see a downward spiral ensue that is the same path as the upward climb. The difference is that something is pulling me down even as I try to climb.

For the people around me, I do not think the same rules apply. Not the inspiration from scripture part, as it doesn't have bearing on why I feel the way I do versus what I should do on an personal and opinionated level, it is the part that the emotions make so much difference in the need of expression.
Even with my voice silenced I can still move on. Yet somehow despite the similarity of submission I am not poised to fight myself in a way that creates a detriment that destroys me from the inside out.
This idea can be applied to all people who seek Love to create fulfillment, as I believe all humans require Love as a need for themselves... However, why am I one of the few who needs to express my Love fully to truly thrive? Surely I can find a means of explaining why my intuition says this is true for the entire world.. Until then I am forced to look at my personality as the cause of this.

A New Beginning

For quite some time I was suffering in my feelings of love for a girl. I couldn't bring myself to truly get closer to her even though she was only at my fingertips most of the time as it seemed to other people. And yet I didn't feel it was ever that simple. Something made me think that there was something beneath the surface that I did not dare scratch at to learn.

I blamed myself, cast judgement on myself and even kept my heart locked up from being accessed by anyone else. Yet I was never satisfied with my decisions, even when I tried to get closer. There were red flags I saw but I didn't look at them for what they truly are.

I don't think it is possible to find a perfect match in this world of imperfection. Does it mean that there isn't anything good in this world? I don't think so. I think God works wonders for us in his name, we just have to respect our creator and follow his command. It is a matter of understanding our place, so that we never overstep our boundry as is our design.

Lately I keeo wondering if it possible for me to understand that I can't strive for a perfect relationship? I understand that I am better off obtaining a relationship that I can grow from, one that allows me to start with conditions that make for a lasting relationship versus a 'perfect' relationship.
I know that finding a good foundation is more important than anything else, which is why I easily delude myself into thinking that I can find a perfect match.

More than a Replacement

There are so many times where we individuals suffer the loss of a loved one.
However, it isn't due to a loss of life.... It is due to a loss of Love.
Then there's the more sinister event then losing a loved one, there is the event of realizing you are nothing more than a replacement. The wicked nature behind it is that we are ok with not being the first one to be loved, so long as it means the love felt is sincere and loyal and exclusive.

Some experience this through favoritism . The worth of the individual only coming to light when the favorite is gone.
Some experience this through a new relationship. Coming to know that there are still equal or deeper feelings for the person who was last loved exclusively.
Some experience this in the form of how they look at others, meaning they don't want to replace someone/something with something new; out of a sense of honor and/or loyalty.

Regardless of how the sense of replacement is felt.. There is a big difference in the heart between people and how they perceive their worth or the worth of others.
In a nutshell.. I don't mind being called a packrat. So long as it's in reference to people.. Because I do not horde material objects and I'm not afraid to throw away material objects that I know have lost their personal value. Even sentimental objects survive the "cut", but I know how to let go if it is necessary. Especially for the sake of a sentient creature.

The heartache may be intense, the hotness of my anger may be insurmountable, the flow of my tears may seem endless... However, the wound to my heart is not irreparable. Time is only the band-aid  my motivation just a sanitizing agent. The real repair comes from divine care.
Regardless of how anyone may agree with me or disagree with me, the evidence comes in the form of experience. As that is when the truth trumps pain, anger, hurt, desperation, and hopelessness.
Thus.. All who have experienced this true healing of heart-wounds can say it's more than a replacement.

It's an Everlasting Answer.

Espirit de l'escalier

-A witty remark thought of too late, on the way home; the clever comment you wish you had delivered-

My thoughts exactly in dealing with Genet. I could say that I suffered from this because of the continued fear of not expressing my true emotions.
Always does this kind of thing cause some trouble mentally.