Hard Times

Who hasn't been in the position of worrying about the thoughts, actions and intent of someone?
You could be in the position as the parent, the friend, distant family, sibling our the lover. Yet the differences between those is not the level if your concern but rather what the goal is in the relationship.

I have to admit that my passion for intimacy with all people is so deep that it drives me to the brink of my sanity.
Though I prefer not to be about a selfish desire of what I get out of it, I know that my emotions won't allow me to pretend otherwise. So it comes naturally for me to be angered our at least saddened when I feel betrayed our otherwise misused.

Often we hear about broken hearts as well as abusive intentions. We all seem to know the answer as it comes forward.. Yet putting the knowledge to practical use is very hard. It is without a doubt that there is a coaching process involved.
I have come to terms that it is very hard to have a comprehensive system within your emotions to do something that requires logic.. Though you can practice at it so that you have a better chance of making a better judgement call or reacting calmly, it is no surprise that the major pit-fall exists as a psychological deterrent.

Usually the younger you are the more important your feelings are just as the more you are susceptible to being hurt long term.
So what is thee answer to being able to become stoic just as much as sensitive to empathy?
Though I don't think the answer is simple I do think that we can find peace in the attempt to be honest about our feelings while being true to our attempts of finding Love.

First you have to let go of your feelings, abandon the idea that they matter so that you can clearly discern if you are wasting your time trying to pursue someone.
Second you have to analyze what got you into the position that you are in so you know how to keep it from happening just as much as keep yourself from listening to someone who is leading you down that same road with a different tune.
Thirdly you should find people or something that can keep you occupied yet not distracted so that you can allow time to heal your wounds.

In this order you stand a chance against yourself, as the details between these things are intense as subjectivity can possibly be.

Where Does the Time Go?

It must be wonderful being swept off your feet. I make such a statement as if it has never happened to me before.. Which is completely untrue, since it has a few times.

Though what does it mean as you grow older and it happens?

For the people who find their soul mate as early as during high-school, I am not sure if they truly understand the difference in mentality that there is for those who suffer loss after loss or for that matter never are swept off their feet until much later.
Is this to say that only the more mature have a significant view? Hardly.

It is to say that suffering leads to stronger growth.

I feel that usually the case with older people is that by the time they do commit, or re-commit for that matter, there is a stronger sense of duty and resolve. The more a person suffers loneliness the more they are willing to be objective and also pursue a positive role in order to sustain the commitment on their end as well as maintain a healthy relationship for both ends.
I am no expert in marriage but what I have seen that works the best from observation and experience of relationships is that both sides must be willing to sacrifice in hopes that the other side is doing exactly the same. The terms don't need to be addressed in a universal sense, especially in regard to gender, though it is usually acceptable to say that there needs to be some kind of equal ground. 

I think it's quite obvious what selfish relationships end up doing to people.

Being in Love is too often characterized by selfish emotions and selfish expectations. What I don't understand is why people don't think their Love for each other can not evolve into something? They treat Love like some static effect of an emotional state that comes and leaves like the ocean tide. Well quite frankly I don't think that it doesn't but I also don't think it is that simple. By all respects of the people themselves I believe Love evolves alongside of the people who experience it. This is not to say that it literally becomes better with time versus it obtains more definition as well as has broader meaning. 

Or do you dare say your grandparents , if married still, don't have a better idea?

So where does the time go when you are in Love?
Why is it that most people spend their lives seeking out happiness when they have obtained it within Love? Is the pursuit of entertainment part of their Love or is it just something they do because they have lost the ability to maintain the high they perceived when they first fell in Love?
I believe thinking that Love is something that requires an ongoing flame that can go out and re-sparked is a farce. I think the metaphor is a great one but I think there is a failure to address a true problem at hand which usually comes back to the mortality of our world and ultimately of ourselves. I think most people mistake falling in Love with lust. It is easy to fall in Love with someone who excites our hormones and causes us to feel like the things in this world are much more acceptable because of presence. However, I think it is foolish to take away the deeper part of Love, which is sacrifice, by attributing it to monetary gain--even if that gain is as natural as childbearing and companionship.

The challenge of time is losing it yet still somehow efficiently using what we do have. For many people, that means loosing it much earlier than anticipated. Unfortunately for the entire race, we never truly reach a full state of maturity. To think otherwise is absolutely ludicrous since we only have suggestions from our eldest that even into death they know they could learn more.
Perhaps if we spent all our time trying to give what we have, suddenly time isn't an issue. Instead it is what goes on next is the issue.. And thus, the importance of defining a soul mate beyond the physical realm becomes a matter of the truest enlightenment. Then again, some people are so dependent on physical definitions that they never truly do become enlightened to anything. 

I know I don't want death to be the end, even if marriage isn't still a definition..

No Running!!

Often it is characterised that Women are to be pursued and Men are to be the chasers.

I am now strongly against that notion in regards to a relationship.
It is my firm belief that it may be how you initiate contact but at some point things will change and even should change. This is not to say that you go for the opposite order. It is to say that you cant keep doing the same thing in hopes for a different response.

At some point there will come a time when you experience lows and you may even doubt wgere that is leading you. However, part of life is to experience the lows so that way the plateau of the highs is not a threshold of importance. It is only then that all the small things matter so much as far as their positive influence while all the largely negative things can be overcome permanently.

This may be insane for most people but I know that for stress to be reduced efficiently you have to put all the small things away with higher priority. Otherwise you can't focus.
It is like distance jumping. The more you have on the field, no matter how small it is, makes for a big distance as it adds up. Then when something big comes along you increase the total exponentially and the overflow yields more seemingly.

Marriage is much like this concept of managing flow. So is financial stability in a very comparable sense.
Dealing with either requires an understanding of your subjective factors to get somewhere productive over a long term spectrum.
The factors are as numerous as they are consequential to many more attributes. There literally is no visible end to the diversity of possibilities despite the finite attribute that keeps it from being impossible to manage.

So the question might be, "where do you start?" or "how can you tell what requires a higher priority?"
My simple answer is this: Learn what is most important in your routine and finish the least important first.

This may seem counter intuitive, though to the subconscious it's the difference of what all is on your plate that needs to be consumed to make that plate a happy plate.
It's like a store-front. Your priority us always bringing in the money first. However you still need to do all the other little things to facilitate better timing for your priorities otherwise things pile up and fester; which is common sense to assume is a deterrent from your goal which your highest priorities are centered around.
It is the little things that we find are the easiest to make a routine around so less effort goes into it's completion and is easiest to teach others to be mindful of.

This idea is intwined into the gender approach before contact as well as into a relationship. It is the basis for making a good and honest first impression as well.
If you find yourself always running to keep up with someone you are dealing with a person who is high maintainence or you are dealing with someone who isn't truly interesyed in you. As hard as it is to ignore the thoughts generated from emotion, you have to remember that if your plate is always full, that's because someone is keeping it that way. But if it is just that you can't eat all of sonerhing as fast as the others, you should rethink your approach.