There was something that I wanted to say when I was ready to say it, but the time came and I found nothing coming out but a silly giggle and the surprise of what I may say next. Wait.. What is the surprise? How many times must I do the same thing over and over until I get the hint? I figured that I would be a mush of emotions whenever I came across something that entices my senses, but I had no idea what kind of depth it could reach. There is a point, look past the riddle.
In my lifetime I have done quite a few different things. Good things, bad things, neutral things, weird things, unorthodox things, traditional things, personal things.. You name it, I will prove to you that the one thing I didn’t do is live under a rock. However, there is one thing I never really got into. That may be as easy as saying I am not a nympho. I can’t play the role even if my life depends on it. Yet, why?
I am quite the romance artist, if I want to be. Don’t give me a reason, don’t expect much out of me because I do it unexpectedly for a reason. Perhaps it seems I do well with surprising people just as much as receiving a surprise? What most people don’t see is that it’s superficial when I play on these attributes. My character trait has a whole lot more to do with my empathic prowess than anything else. I wont go so far as to claim that I’m some kind of genius, but you’ll have to argue against testing first.
I refuse to let anyone tell me that I don’t have a niche. The one unexplainable attribute of my personal existence is something I can’t share with anyone because my words can’t fully articulate a feeling; especially a feeling that surges through the body and does different things at different times for different reasons. I’d be better off trying to share the feeling by inciting it in others and it turns out that this is a very dangerous ‘game’. I generally look at this quality as simple intellectual manipulation, but I’ve had to learn the hard way that the more I speak from the heart the less the medium itself dictates influence. The secondary implication, yes there is one, is that I can choose a communication medium that fits a criteria of what kind of emotions of mine are allowed to be perceived by the listener.
Perhaps I am just crazy? You might say.. That is, until you realize I can scale walls.
I like metaphors for this reason. I speak in riddles a lot when giving advice and I don’t generalize or over exaggerate examples just to illustrate a concept. I can be subtle, but I prefer to not point out the whole answer to a question. The reason is so I incite deeper thought that is self-evoked; it sounds contradictory even though it’s knowing when to stop that gets something else going, which may be more of a matter of consciously controlling synergy.
Haughty and prideful these words I’m speaking start to become. I have to clarify my entire point by pointing out the lack of pointed tips to my concept. This is not a matter of controlling anyone, though I am suggesting there’s a dark side that is akin to manipulation. I see the ability to influence people as a universal thing for humans. We are like unplanted garden beds when it comes to being ready for the influences of this universe. Just what in the world are we individuals willing to grow?
If I have anything to say about what I can do to someone’s emotions, it’s offend. Somehow I can sabotage a relationship faster than America does Diplomacy in the middle east. I can act well too, but I have a bad habit of not wanting to pretend to be something I’m not. Even if it is showing how uncomfortable I am in the presence of certain others. Somewhere deep inside me is the desire to behave in a manner that is peaceful and compassionate. I am susceptible to failure just like any other human, but I am not like every other human when it comes to my response to a mistake. I suffer a double effect no matter how I align my behavior; I am convinced the double effect is a curse to reveal a gift. I know the curse, but what is the gift? If there is no gift, why am I growing despite being cursed?
To take the focus away from myself.. There seems to be a major paradigm shift in the world-culture stage since 2010. I noticed it in myself, but I didn’t think it was going to turn into what it has now. No amount of ‘things’ I could have seen, read, or heard could convince me of what I know now to be true. Funny thing is that my Faith in God is the only thing consistent, also the reason why I accepted certain notions that I once rejected. The impossible becoming an experience is profound for anyone, yet not everyone embraces it and for good reason. Just because something is real doesn’t mean it’s good for you, just like you shouldn’t follow your heart just because of how you feel. The wisest choice is to clear your mind of assumptions.. Open your heart to possibilities.. And purify your Soul with virtue. Only then will you be guided by Truth. Moreover, despite the disagreement of a personal savior, this is the same process that opens a person to Jesus. Refusing the ego, challenging the heart, standing for justice.
I’m not going to give a religious rant, that wasn’t the point. It is my belief that many people don’t understand spiritual concepts simply because they are suffering dissonance. To the laymen, it’s just another word. To those who understand, it’s the reason why you cover your ears and wont let an explanation reach your thoughts. If anything, there’s more of a concern of being ‘polluted’ than how much malice is involved. Not sure what happened to the flight or fight response in humans being more ‘evolved’ than other animals, but clearly evolution is a farce if humans should think their technological sophistication balances their sheep-like behavior. Yes, if you feel I’m calling humanity a big herd of stupid sheep, you assume right. Though I don’t have negative feelings about humanity outside of our obvious depravity, I feel some people are in denial of how humanity behaves inferior to what it is capable of on an individual note. The contrast is stark, just watch the news and you feel this weird disconnection that may even justify repaying evil with evil. Yet this is common place..? Oh.. Heavens yes it is. And there’s a strange connection to the influence of the world and what I originally was stating about my empathic abilities.
Think of it this way.. There are people out there who are intelligent enough to have formulated a process of control that infiltrates every system in humanity. Everything from language to computers is infiltrated and it’s not because there’s some diabolical force making sure this happened.. It’s a natural part of humanity, the only thing that matters is how it’s used.
So the next time you feel that fiery temper flare up or that sinking feeling heavy in your stomach, remember to try to ignore what you’re feeling and pay attention to evidence. Don’t fit the evidence to the feeling, fit the evidence to acts and the feelings to a demeanor. You feel what others feel, but to what degree is up to you. Practice makes perfect, just like some people just have a natural talent.
